I don’t feel much this weekend.

I must be depressed but I do my treadmill for 30 minutes each morning which I like to do or I feel blah. I just don’t feel excitement for writing either. But I know I want to write an I keep going over ideas of a book I want to write? Maybe my life the way I wished I could live it? What do you think? My life in fiction hmm sounds good. Think the problem with how I feel maybe my heart making me feel wiped out after I do 30 minutes on treadmill? But I have to do it plus the 2 blood pressure meds I think slow me down but I must have a balance of which I haven’t figured out yet. Gosh I wish some angel would flutter down an ask me what I would like to have in my life to make it better. Did you know my most powerful color am attracted to is the color of Azurite when I look at it it’s like the whole world opens up in my mind an many thoughts of beautiful places seem to flash through my imagination. Did you know I used to go into a gemstone shop an I would look down at the gemstones with my eyes an mind unfocused an the colors an stones that made it through the blur was what I considered my soul to be connected to in my subconscious. The first time I did it the blues an green were the most powerful for me. What it means is how do I know I just tried it an has been connected to my spirit ever since then. Keep on Standing Tall an Love who you are God doesn’t make mistakes.

I STAND BUT DON’T FIT.

I was just thinking how I have lived my life since I reach 52 yrs. old in July 2014 this year. I am a hermit am anti social I use social media as my outlet, I force political forces to play in social media outreach like we are playing flag football. I have no family support until recently, from estranged cousins I grew up with a think they are awesome. Living with a chronic illness 30 yrs. later after diagnoses 27 years longer than my doctors gave me to live! But know one really knows who I am inside. Am wanting to be an author of my own book but can’t seem to get it started. Have a few poems that have been read all over an 2 were published in a book by an author I don’t trust because I think he uses people to make himself money to live his lifestyle off others talents a he has addictions that maybe active. So I asked him to unpublished my poems out of book because I only like to be associated with good people who are totally honest in their lives a when helping others. I do want to be remembered after I die but I want it for the right reasons. This is a hard war to fight by trying to stay a step ahead of death a while helping others. But I don’t really have a spot that I fit into here today. An I stand before you slowly pulling open the blinds I have put up to protect myself from you out there in the world. I don’t fit!

Today I am experimenting!

Hello, Good morning.. to all hope all is well today for you guys. I myself woke up fixed coffee a fed my MIN PIN then went an did my look in the mirror a wonder if I had changed any during the night, but all was well my face can change shape in one night. Really it does! Sometimes my eyes will be puffy or droopy or the wasting in y face is more definite than the day before. I scrub my face a then use aloe on it morning a night seems to tighten the skin up. Sometimes I almost breakdown a cry over what I perceive as my looking hideous looking from the fat loss in my face. But then I hold my little girl a she will talk to me an I have to think of gratitude a the thought how lucky I am to be here today. An there are people out their way worse off than myself, Like the Women of Tutwiler Prison who live in fear a terror of saying the wrong thing a the officers staff at prison might break their noses beating them or worse because they think they can with no supervision from upper management in Alabama Corrections. Some even live with flashbacks in their regular lives since they left the prison it follows them everyday. So I feel lucky if I look at my life an compare what gifts I have in my life. I am grateful for another day. Thank you!

I am a Divergent an i Stand intrigued!

Finally I got out an did something human. On Saturday 22 of March I got out of apartment for a real entertainment challenge an went to AMC Theatre that u sit down in an eat an watch a movie! For me this is a tremendous feet of progress for one who sits in front of computer for his social experiences with internet personalities. What was the title of the movie? “rolling drums”….Divergent! I give it a B+ it was solid eyeful of eye candy and a good story line that lets you know there will be sequel’s. The movie held me all the way through to satisfy my movie time experience. The French fries were awesome with a diet Coke. An afterwards I walked to store feeling bloated like a 8 month pregnant woman. So yes im still standing alone an afraid today. But I will survive! until another day comes I am still STANDING DIVERGENT!

Today i stand Happy an surprised!

I had recently gone though hell over my medicare change an ended up making complaint with Medicare about no coverage for medical care and life saving medicines ! This got the ball rolling an my insurance got straightened out. So it does pay to use your rights an voice. But I thought I was going to be paying high co-pays but it ends up I don’t have to pay on 5 tier meds. So this is a happy day for me. So am STANDING TALL today an am HAPPY! I hope something good happens for you too, don’t give up hope!

This me on my last Stand.

Even though I’ve had the blues this week I am going to start a new blog. I’ve been HIV for many years an I have lost some of those memories an now this will be my “My Last Stand” or last part of my life, because I do want to live a full life.